College frenzy

April 17th, 2009

The sun shed its radiance over me as I stepped into the elementry school. I was suddenly struck with a sense of regression and nostalgia. The rainbow colored paintings on the wall and handprints made me wish for time to repeat itself. I wanted the world around me to freeze; stop in time so that no more damage could be done. I realized that metamorphism had taken place in not only myself but everyone, my peers, family, and friends. I had become a different person. I longed to go back to the days of innocence where life's hardness and obstacles didn't seem to overpower me. Nowadays, I perceive society in shackles, blocked by the barriers of desire. The desire to succeed in any shape or form. Everyone wants to obtain something in life, whether it was a job, grades, children or even relationships.

For the first time in my life, I despised the world for what it had become. It was my turn to help the kids on the obstacle course. I held my breath as I stepped into take my position. "Ready positions kids! Come on you can do this! On your mark-get set- GO!". I was empowered by the energy. I had vowed to be more enthusiastic in life and see the brighter side of things. The cacophonous component of life suddenly unfolded - I am who I choose to be. The blame shouldn't be put on society or the world for the imperfections of my own life. I thought to myself, I'm young...teenaged to be specific. I still have my entire life ahead of me. The lighthearted and blithe nature of the children fascinated me. I wanted life to be perfect- but it was never going to be.

I started thinking about the simplicity of life when I was four years old. Parents to look after you, school curriculum which valued creativity more than academic achievement, and even the experiences of recess and nap time. Now, my life was filled with difficult classes, failure in achieving goals in academics, stress from feelings of inferiority, and a fear of not getting into college. I was possed with many thoughts. A fear of the future. A fear of the present. A longing for the past.

As the years progress, getting into a college has been a mountain to cross by itself. Especially this year, with people discussing majors and career goals, I realized I was being pushed into something I wasn't mentally and emotionally prepared for. A girl with a 1900 SAT score (which I don't even have), 11 APs, and extracurriculars didn't get into the college she wanted to go to. If such people who work so hard don't acheive, then is there a point in trying at all? The uncertainty and mysteriousness of the future frightens me.

I don't know what to expect. I wish there was a chance to restart your life so that you could be the enthusiastic person you once were. If you were given this chance to go back in time and given the opportunity to correct your mistakes and start over would you? If you could change every flaw and weakness would you? If you could live life in the same period of your life which you cherished (childhood) would you?