I was in the process of cleaning my room today when I found my old, worn-out Jansport backpack underneath the bed. In it, I found my red 50 sheet spiral notebook and bundles of paper from various classes. I dumped everything out on the floor and started going through it - earrings, chapstick, gum wrappers, old pencils, half used earsers, binders....and even my black necklace which I thought I had misplaced. I picked up the red 50 sheet spiral notebook and started going through the pages. Math notes with scratch work and numbers all the way to the margin, apush president's notes..a few more pages and I found my daily to do list. I placed the notebook down and reached in further to check if I forgot to take anything out of the bag. I felt something on the bottom..sheets of crinkled paper. I straightened out the edges and giggled to myself when I discovered it was the sparknotes guide for one of the books I was supposed to "read" in ap english. I then analzyed the other items on the ground..the fake pass I made to sneak off campus one day...my ap english vocabulary list..ap comparative government vocabulary quiz. I picked up the sheets and starting making piles. That was when it struck me...I was growing up. I looked at the pictures of me that were on the dresser and found myself recollecting the memories of my days in school - laughter by the locker bay, sneaking out of class during 'bathroom' breaks, eating lunch in the commons, the long hallways and the 6 hour days which I thought would never end. I kind of miss it all now. I don't know if I am ready to move on to a new stage in my life..a new path in life really.
College was around the corner and I'll admit, I'm very anxious about what is in store for me. It's certainly a new adventure..but I dont feel quite ready for it yet. My birthday is coming up too...in 2 more days, I will turn 18 and get my license. Yes, some autonomy..but I will always miss those carefree, innocent days of childhood - playing, recess..even nap time.
I am anxious, but I'm also excited for the future. I guess I can't stop time...sometimes you wish there was a rewind button in life. Instead of living in the past, it is more pragmatic to keep memories for the past, live the present, and have anticipation for the future.
It is time to move on to new things and be open to new experiences. READY OR NOT COLLEGE...here I come.