Saturday, July 4, 2009

Cruel world

This is an excerpt from two moving stories I read. Such stories never cease to remind me of a world in which suffering will persist.

"Every animal, every face has a story behind them. We don’t know how Wiley and Winston became street animals. We don’t know the whole story, but what we do know is devastating. Leslie Rameros of South Central LA, an AAPA dedicated volunteer found 2 street dogs who were being terrorized by gangs. She, along with 2 of AAPA’s staff members, Elizabeth Kilmer and G. Byers took to the streets to save the 2 dogs. After 2 days of searching, the dogs were spotted. A white boxer mix and a little shepherd/chow mix. The gang members had put a firecracker under the boxer’s tail and lit it. The dog’s rectum and intestine was hanging out and the shepherd mix had gasoline poured on him and then set on fire.They were very afraid of people, but were too weak and exhausted to run or fight as we lifted them into our van. We took them home with us where they ate. They could eat home cooked food and had clean water to drink. We put them in beds with big fluffy blankets where they slept warm and cozy, probably for the first time.We called an emergency late-night veterinarian who said they would be OK until morning. In the morning, a vet came to check on the dogs. After checking both dogs, the vet suggested euthanasia. There was so much damage to both animals that it would take a considerable amount of money to treat them, and, even then, it would take a miracle for them to survive. We did not want them to go through anymore suffering. We gave them many hugs, kisses and love as we could in the short time we had them. We're glad they went to sleep in our arms, instead of being on the dark, cold, cruel streets. Animal Abuse Prevention Agency vows to continue our street work, working hard to rescue animals before these horrible, evil people get their hands on them. We will never forget Wiley and Winston. Please help us continue our work with your best, tax-deductible gift today! Remember that every animal saved reduces their suffering and gives them a new lease on life. By rescuing animals, AAPA has been able to place them in loving homes and increase the quality of their lives."

"This past June, a 16 week old black lab puppy was tortured and left for dead in a diaper box at a gas station. A man stopped to put air in his tire and saw the box and heard a whimper. He opened the box and to his horror found the puppy with PVC glue in his eyes, nose, ears and throat. His back legs had multiple fractures. The man took the puppy to the vet were he had to be euthanized due to his injuries . I can't fathom how someone could do this to a sweet, loving and innocent puppy. I cry when I think of what this puppy went through."

What sadistic tendencies have prevailed innately in the human mind? People believe that they are superior to other creatures because animals are unable to reason and speak. Can they not feel the pain and suffering that a human being can feel?

From meat to scientific experimentation, animals have been exposed to treacherous circumstances. Many have died without even knowing the feeling of love....through such testing, abuse and neglect.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Killing us softly

Women. The portrayal of women in society has changed over the years. However, in reality, starting with the early creation of Adam and Eve to the present day depiciton of women, has our role changed entirely? More importantly, has it changed for the better?

Our roles have changed drastically from the 1600s. Women were never really recognized because history itself was a story written by man. It's quite ironical, isn't it? It's history (his story) and never her story. Society has created an image to which women have adapted to and generation after generation, this image has been passed. This image was not one that portrayed a strong independent women, but a weak , dependent one. Men fail to admit that women have the potential. Women possess the same potential or perhaps even more perseverance and dedication than men? Is this the reason why men have never accredited women? Without women like Susan B. Anthony, Mother Teresa, Harriet Tubman, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Dorothea Dix, and FDR's wife Eleanor Roosevelt, will life be the same way it is today?

Until the 1920s, women had no say in the democratic government. Who is to blame for this view? Men? Society? Or women themselves? Many critics can argue that our roles have indeed changed. Co-ed schools, co-ed sports, and even in an economical perspective, women have indeed gained jobs..but is the change enough? Has society come to accept equality between the sexes?


P.S. I know I haven't blogged in a while...I might be slightly rusty with my language and tone but my thoughts keep rolling........

~ Heart

Monday, May 4, 2009


Perfection. A little too far fetched isn't it? Each and every human being in this world wants to be successful and achieve this perception of "perfect" but has only discovered contempt in the quest. The search for perfection never ends with its disillusioned images and creations.

By human instinct and innate behavior, perfection and purity is not possible. Our world is filled with sin and crime yet some refuse to acknowledge such behavior. Change is the only essence of life that is continuous...quite ironic actually. One cannot refuse the adversity of life and only if metamorphism takes place in an individual can he or she survive. In fact, our society's perspective itself is illusory. We paint pictures of pessimism and hatred through certain acts (such as murder and homocide) but it is the drive to obtain "sainthood" that is the true sin. Although murder and acts of violence indeed disturb the peace of a community and are inhumane, the restriction and boundaries of stability stunt growth. The capacity of mankind is immense and limitless. Barriers of stability only augment the capacity.

A perfect world will never exist as long as diversity and unity coincide with the universe. A perfect world will in fact not be perfect at all due to its lack of impurity. Impurity is perceived as obscene but purity is idealistic. The world is pragmatic and only when an individual can reason in such a practical stand point can he or she survive the perils and hardships of this world.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Love at first sight? Maybe.

LOVE. A word that has caused relationships to bloom, hearts to break, and broken hearts to heal once again. A word that creates meaning for life. A word that expresses the understanding between two indeed a controversial issue; is it not?

Crush, attraction, can we tell the difference between words with such passion? We love our family, friends...but that is more so a compassionate form of love than any other. Philosophy, literature and even science try to understand the intricate details and twists that the emotion of "love" creates...but there has never been an absolute answer. Love is often described as temporary madness...and in the eyes of many such as Bergmen, "a kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous".

The first time I saw him was in the locker bay. I told myself repeatedly to look in the opposite direction but I found myself unable to move my was as if he had cast a magickal spell on me. He reminded me of a roman goddess with perfect was unbelievable..his eyes were honey bronze and his smile was dazzling. With high cheek bones and a slightly muscular body, he seemed to be a god-like creature...making everyone around him look unworthy of being in his presence. Our eyes came into contact and I quickly looked away, my cheeks flushing red and my ears burning hot. It felt like my heart skipped a few beats. I had forgotten to breathe...everything felt hazy like a dream. As soon as I passed him, I sucked in a substantial amount of oxygen and checked to make sure I was still alive...I was but my heart seemed to be with someone else.

How would you describe such an incident? A crush? Mere attraction? Or love at first sight? How can one be deeply and truly in love with someone (to the extent of wanting to spend the rest of life with that person) upon first setting eyes on that person? The concept of "love at first sight" itself is very controversial and hypocritical at times. People often misinterpret love as just a physical attraction, but how can you describe that feeling..connection might be a better word..between two individuals that make them want to live for each other and die for each other?
I guess no one ever knows the mysteries and fantasies behind love...

Monday, April 20, 2009


I was walking down the hallway today when something caught my eye in the distance. A variety of emotions swept through me as I contemplated the situation. I could either turn the other way and hide from the person entirely or face the situation and walk past without noticing the glares or stares.

"Samantha" (I don't want to reveal her real name) was my best friend through middle school - as far as I could remember. It started way back in 6th grade when I first moved here; my first friend who I had spent 3 years of my life with was now my bitter enemy.

I still remember the books we read together, sleep overs with midnight snacks, volunteering at the animal shelter, and girls night party with movies and pillow fights. And of course, there are those inevitable conversations mixed gossip, crushes, and love. In order to enumerate our friendship, we were more like twins and in a matter of a few days, we shared our thoughts, emotions and feelings to each other freely.

It is ironic that I now see her as my enemy. It all started with one club - the Animal Rights Club. Aspiring to be a veterinarian in the future, I thought it best to start this club with the help of my best friend at the time as co-presidents. It's funny how "power-hungry" some individuals are. I soon found myself in a huge argument/fight with her which went all the way to the school club's administration.

I see her now talking with my other friends and I just wonder what happened? Why does it have to be this way? But it is inevitable..the situation itself. You must never forget the pains suffered in the past..not to hold a grudge but to not put yourself in a vulnerable situation again.

It took me a long time after that to trust someone. Even my closest of friends didn't know half the thoughts that ran through my head. Friendship is supposed to be a divine part of life and it is actually quite ironic that friendship has lead to hatred in this case. I will never forget this incident in my life.

One should always understand that the bonds of friendship go deeper than scars...but when the bond itself is a scar..what should you do?

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Two worlds

I have always been caught between two different worlds with diverse perspectives and traditions. On one side - America: the land of the free and the home of the brave. The other - India: bharath matha, where I was born. Born in India and brought up in the US, I often find myself not completely part of one or the other.
There is a part of me that cherishes the traditions practiced in India and another part of me that likes the freedom and opportunities America has to give to many of its citizens. I remember the first time I stepped foot into the Americas. Lush beautiful trees enveloped the smooth roads as my father drove from the airport to the apartment we had just purchased. It was exciting, rejuvenating to be exact, in this atmosphere. The sun was radiant but it was different than what I had experienced in India. The hooonk! and whoosh! and beep beep! sounds were missing along with the busy roads, hustling crowd, road side chat houses, and heavy traffic. As I gazed out the window of the rental car, I could see the clear sky and the other cars with sleek new colors and models speed up before us. The apartment was even better - large rooms, wonderful kitchen..and bathrooms (if I may add).
I never felt the "culture shock" that most experience since I was only four when I entered this country. When the days of kindergarten approached, I was even more excited. I would meet these new people who spoke different languages. The first day of school started it all and now here I am, studying in the same country with a fluent American accent.
Over the years, my family would go to India to visit our relatives and friends. To this day, I miss many parts of my India: the banana leaves that we would eat on, the mangoes that we would steal from the neighbor, badminton in the basement, animals on the street, North and South indian foods..(the list is infinite). Although I have learned to adapt both lifestyles, I never really fit in 100% with either nation. I was more of a mongrel, a mutt, a mixture between the two countries.
However, I find that there seems to be a "culture swap". I have noticed that Indians living in India want to be more "Americanized" than any other. They try to follow the lifestyle here - shirts, pants, American music (beyonce, britney spears etc.) and even go as far as to attempt to have an American accent. Indians residing the US are more closer to the orthodox Indian culture than some Indians living in Indai. Carnatic music, bharathanatyam, slokha class, vishnu sahasramanam - all of which I have learned and practiced since I was four, I have hardly seen in India.
In a way, I cherish being different, unique..being a mongrel. I like the fact that I can understand and respect certain aspects of both cultures. Indeed at times I would wish and say to myself, why can't I just fit in more? Why was I looked at differently in both parts of the world? But in the end, I would always discover that these two worlds partly define who I am as a person. My personality and my characteristics are both entwined with both nation's values.
I have always been asked, "Where are you from?" and would always respond hesitantly. From now on, I know the answer. The answer is: Indiamerica...a life inspired by two nations.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

There's never a happy medium

April 18th, 2009

Another day in my life: the same dry, monotonous schedule; same faces, same tasks, same assignments. "Nothing is impossible". The quote that I have seen almost every year of my life and the one that I have told myself repeatedly as a motivater. It suddenly occured to me that I had been lying and deceiving myself. There are a few things in life that are impossible.

I realized that there is never a happy medium. There is never a "yes" and "no". There is never a "gray region" between potent black and pure white. There is never a "right and wrong", only a right or wrong. I have always imagined a life with endless possiblities - but you are restricted to two ways: what you think is right and the judgement of the world around you.

I don't know if you remember, but in cartoons, there is always a child with an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. The id and the superego both influencing the person who is trying to make a decision in life. The final decision MUST be righteous or wrong, never both.
A final thought to end the day: If one chooses to seek for a "happy medium", will they eventually cease their search to find that they have failed?

Friday, April 17, 2009

College frenzy

April 17th, 2009

The sun shed its radiance over me as I stepped into the elementry school. I was suddenly struck with a sense of regression and nostalgia. The rainbow colored paintings on the wall and handprints made me wish for time to repeat itself. I wanted the world around me to freeze; stop in time so that no more damage could be done. I realized that metamorphism had taken place in not only myself but everyone, my peers, family, and friends. I had become a different person. I longed to go back to the days of innocence where life's hardness and obstacles didn't seem to overpower me. Nowadays, I perceive society in shackles, blocked by the barriers of desire. The desire to succeed in any shape or form. Everyone wants to obtain something in life, whether it was a job, grades, children or even relationships.

For the first time in my life, I despised the world for what it had become. It was my turn to help the kids on the obstacle course. I held my breath as I stepped into take my position. "Ready positions kids! Come on you can do this! On your mark-get set- GO!". I was empowered by the energy. I had vowed to be more enthusiastic in life and see the brighter side of things. The cacophonous component of life suddenly unfolded - I am who I choose to be. The blame shouldn't be put on society or the world for the imperfections of my own life. I thought to myself, I'm young...teenaged to be specific. I still have my entire life ahead of me. The lighthearted and blithe nature of the children fascinated me. I wanted life to be perfect- but it was never going to be.

I started thinking about the simplicity of life when I was four years old. Parents to look after you, school curriculum which valued creativity more than academic achievement, and even the experiences of recess and nap time. Now, my life was filled with difficult classes, failure in achieving goals in academics, stress from feelings of inferiority, and a fear of not getting into college. I was possed with many thoughts. A fear of the future. A fear of the present. A longing for the past.

As the years progress, getting into a college has been a mountain to cross by itself. Especially this year, with people discussing majors and career goals, I realized I was being pushed into something I wasn't mentally and emotionally prepared for. A girl with a 1900 SAT score (which I don't even have), 11 APs, and extracurriculars didn't get into the college she wanted to go to. If such people who work so hard don't acheive, then is there a point in trying at all? The uncertainty and mysteriousness of the future frightens me.

I don't know what to expect. I wish there was a chance to restart your life so that you could be the enthusiastic person you once were. If you were given this chance to go back in time and given the opportunity to correct your mistakes and start over would you? If you could change every flaw and weakness would you? If you could live life in the same period of your life which you cherished (childhood) would you?